Category Archives: Self Reflection

“You’re such a kid.”

             I think it would be incredibly hard to find someone who knows me in any detail at all that would be unwilling to admit there might be something “not quiet right” with me. And should you find any of these people willing to discuss me further you might come to a general consensus my “not quite right” can be drilled down to a not so immediately noticeable but very intense love of myself.  Because of this emotional attachment to this “self” I tend to try very hard at keeping this “self” untarnished and I in fact try to push this “self” past what I believe might be the expectations of others. For instance, I have had a little chance for some time off these past few days, week actually, and I chose to treat a lady friend to a couple days of “just for her days”.  This I suspect was unexpected actions on my part and by giving her such attention she just may repay in some form; win – win.

In all honesty these days were just as much fun for me as they were for her I do believe.  One morning was spent with her dressing up in whatever attire she so desired as I set mood lighting in preparation of a photo shoot.  A few years ago I bought an “I love Me” gift of a very high-speed camera… I haven’t played with it much, but I am not a half bad photog and with the computer imaging enhancements available these days I can do some rather OK works.  Maybe I’ll share some in a few, but I digress.

I played various musical selections as she continued to change from dress to dress and shorts to skirts.  This particular lady friend is a very vivacious and voluptuously shaped woman; to say she is attractive does no justice.  As I said these days have been kind to me as well, but my friend had never done anything like this before and as the music played, the camera snapped, wardrobe after wardrobe change eventually led to swim suits and lingerie.  I never realized just how intimate a photo session could become.  (Rule #1:  Never leave any evidence.  This includes photos)

This photo op brought my companion to an understanding that her lingerie was out dated.  A conclusion she derived completely on her own as I declared my support for the current apparel quiet strongly I might add.  But, with her knew found self prescribed deficiency in her closet we eventually embarked on an afternoon of shopping and lunch.  Again I was privileged to escort her on an endeavor to purchase the perfect piece of fashion for the boudoir that would give her the confidence to be the entire woman she could ever want to be.  My friend has a regained sureness in her body as her diet and exercise program have paid magnificent dividends.  Perhaps because I have been a part of the contributing force of her drive and determination I do in fact deserve some of these privileges.

We visit lingerie store after lingerie store.  I am exposed to outfit, after outfit, after outfit.  Tuff Job?  Boo-Hoo, you say?  Not ALL lingerie is a turn on my friend, some I find to be completely awful; but again, this was about her finding what made her feel awesome as well as look awesome so I was willing to take a shot or two for the team.  I should also mention again that this shopping experience coincided with lunch and I was getting a little hungry.  However I will admit the pre-dinner show was outstanding.  And again, I didn’t know you could get so intimate in a women’s underwear store’s dressing room.

           It was during lunch at my beautiful friend’s choosing where I devised the plan to seduce my friend in such a romantic manner at the most earliest of conveniences.  This morning I crept into her home and up into her bedroom to find she was in the adjoining shower, door closed.  I quickly positioned lighting, mirrors, and her favorite toys strategically about the room.  As she concluded her shower and entered her bedroom, she found the Kid ready to adore her in all her full beauty.  I will go no further but to add, definitely in the top 5 of all time; for me at least.  She seemed to concur.

If you have labored through my self-indulgence, it has been because of this: I was just told that I am “such a child”.  This person, this personal female friend whom I have just given days of my life to, this person who has known me quiet awhile and knows me about as well as anyone and as I said this person would think my unselfish actions of the past few days might be unexpected due to my intense self-love had just told me I am a child… “such a child”.  She knows I react to criticism badly.  I know she’s right.  I am a child.  That’s the point of this blog, right?  My eternal “Kidness”.  She says “something” about me is “just not right”.  It is this “something” that both attracts her to me as well as repulses her.  She needs a man!  Not a child.

That’s just it though; I am a child.  Something way back when did something to something in this here melon and emotions do not process the way society says an adult should act.  The odds are that I will never progress through the adolescent stages of emotional development and I will never be able to achieve the beautiful intimacy I am told of that comes from deep relationships in the later stages of life.  No, the Kid will forever be somewhere between 12 and 16 all depending on the day; but you know what, the Kid is pretty freaking awesome just the way he is.  Did I mention I love me some Kid?

But it is my inner child that allows me the inner confidence to be the photog, or dressing room lover, or bedroom intruder.  That inner child allows me to be the “man” she needs at the time she needs it most, so it would seem; so what if I want to spend the rest of the day reading comic books and watching horror flicks?  What else can you expect from the Kid.

Just because I think someone should know me, should I expect them to expect less than what I expect of my “self”?  And to think this all started out about her…

Advertisements

Pappa Needs a New Pair of Shoes… What Do We Do with These Nice Old Ones?

Image What do you do when a relationship has run its course?  We engage in relationships all the time.  With other people as well as material objects.  A portion of being successful is knowing when a relationship is beneficial to you or if it has become somewhat of a liability; or even better, see when a possible liability is brewing.

I have an old vehicle.  It’s a 1995 model with over 220K miles on it.  This vehicle has done me well.  Of course I have had to replace the tires, brakes, battery, alternator, as well as a few other minor odds-n-ins; and sure the A/C, defrost and cigarette lighter don’t work (it actually has two lighters! neither work), but she has been a trustworthy companion.

I have people like this in my life too.  They have served me well and been there through thick and thin.  Like my vehicle, they don’t seem to have much more to offer me in the way of getting to my final destination though.  I can get a new car tomorrow, but what of people?  I need a reliable mode of transportation and I do like to travel in style… I’m still talking about a car, right?  What do I owe that old vehicle?  What do I owe my old friends?

By the way, I have a beautiful vintage sports car that sits in the driveway ready to roll at a moments notice… just saying.