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Where Did I Go?

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Wow!  Halloween was the last time I was able to write

something?  Not entirely true.  I have been busy and lazy all at the same time.  After all, I am a kid… correction, The Kid.

 

So, Happy New Year!!!!  And a belated holidays to all.  If you are in the US, I hope you had a great Thanksgiving and if you are not I hope any fall festival you may have had with plenty of good food, friends, and family went well.  As for the Kid, I have been all over the place.

 

It started just before Thanksgiving as I came across a group of 20 somethings at a karaoke night in a small bar.  I was there to enjoy a cold beverage and plan just where or what I might want to do for the up coming holidays.  It was a group of six.   There were two males and four females; two couples and two single young ladies.  The Kid isn’t getting any younger but I carry my little bit of age very well and I knew all the 80’s songs these “youngsters” were attempting to sing, and I can sing a little.

 

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By the end of the night I was invited back to the vacation house these young men and women were renting.  The libations flowed and more singing followed.  As the two couples eventually retired and one young lady collapsed from all the jovial festivities, I found myself alone with a very attractive young woman… never mind I may have already had a driver’s license on the day she was born.  She and I would spend the wee-hours of the morning talking about life, movies, music, future, and love.

 

I woke up with the lovely young woman cuddled next to me on the couch of the house’s front room.  Insomnia is a periodic problem for me and I rarely sleep more than three hours.  Everyone in the house was out cold.  My beautiful new friend and I had fallen asleep while talking and I guess she had snuggled up to me in our sleep; I didn’t mind.  Easing up from the couch so as not to wake her was a trick, but I really had to go to the bathroom.

 

After relieving myself I walked about the house and took note as to how easily these young people had let me into their lives… they had no clue who I was.  Why would they so openly accept me?  Perhaps they need a lesson.  It was close to sunrise.  I needed to work quickly.

 

Later in the day I was sitting at a fast food joint having a burger when my phone rang… it was one of the males.

 

“Hey mother fucker!  Nice fucking prank!  If I ever see you again I’m gonna kick your ass!”

 

It seems they woke up to random words written on their faces.  Random picture of my body parts on some of their phones (some were locked).  All the cabinets had been super glued shut in the kitchen and the bathroom was almost completely covered in TP.

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Everyone got fucked with except one cute girl sleeping quietly on the couch.

 

I explained to him they still had all their money, they still had their cars, and they still had their lives.  It’s amazing how others get all bent out of shape when they let you screw them.

 

Kids these days…

 

That evening the young lady called me and said she had a wonderful time and if she ever happened to be in this area again would like to know if I might spend some time with her… of course;-)

 

Road Trips

ImageI hate traveling long distances in a vehicle, especially if I’m the one driving.  Anything longer than an hour or two becomes maddening for me.  I would never make it as a truck driver.  Recently I took a trip via car to see a friend of mine; a four hour drive.  First, I must think something about this friend as driving four hours is tantamount to having flesh removed.  I would almost rather have teeth extracted; seriously.

As luck would have it, The Kid would get stuck in traffic just 20 minutes into the drive due to an accident on the highway just four miles from the exit I needed to take!  Those four miles took over an hour to negotiate.  I was already livid.

I have more than a few foibles concerning road etiquette.  It seems to me that once you are behind the wheel of a machine weighing thousands of pounds and expected to operate it safely then this responsibility should jump straight to the top of your priority list.  And should you take this vehicle of considerable weight and push its velocity in such a way to have this vehicle reach speeds greater than, oh I don’t know let’s say 3 MPH, then not paying attention to anything other than the operation of the vehicle is inexcusable.  As much as I believe anyone who reads this would agree with every word, I can only imagine how often each of you zone out when you’re moving at speeds of 45, 55, 65, or 70 mph.

One of my foibles is the “slow-ass” passer.  This person, for whatever reason, feels the need to pass other vehicles doing the exact speed limit posted, by achieving hair-raising limits of just 1 to 2 miles per hour over the posted speed.  Never mind that they could have easily reduced their nerve rattling speed of 57 in a 55 to 55 and fall in tow… no, no; they HAD to get by that slower bugger doing the suggested speed.  It makes much more sense to get in the passing lane without increasing their speed and slow 16 cars and trucks down for the 8 miles it takes to actually pass another vehicle doing 1 mph greater speed and then get over out of the passing lane.  This is but one peeve.

Another is the use of turn signals and headlights, which I know both come standard with every vehicle sold but obviously it is not a necessity to know how to use these items before you are allowed to purchase a vehicle.  But I feel these irksome issues I can discuss in length at just about any time, the peeve I would like to discuss along with the “slow-ass” passer would be the “undecided” passer.  This person you notice in your review mirror coming up at a steady pace and then as they get along side you they pass you in increments.  They’re at your bumper holding steady then surge up to you driver’s door, only to drift back to your back quarter panel and hold steady for a few seconds.  Then they lurch forward even with you only to drift back to where the nose of their car is back to you driver’s door again.  This stop and go continues for about a minute or two, than they get past you to open road and haul ass again.  PASS ME ALREADY!!!!!

So, during my travel and only a short distance after the accident, The Kid is on a four lane stretch of highway taking me from one state to another when I come across the “slow-ass” passer first.  She was in a blue Honda Accord and pulled out in the passing lane just as I was coming up on the group of cars she had been riding with for more than a little while.  I knew this because I had visibility on the cars as I approached them for perhaps 4 or 5 miles ahead of time.  Why did she wait until me and a couple other faster paced vehicles reached her position before pulling out?  Anyway, after falling in behind this middle-aged lady in the blue Honda Accord for the next several miles while she passed the vehicles doing the posted 60 mph at her blistering speed of 61, I managed to get into a comfortable zone traveling at about 70/71 in a 65 mph area.  That’s when the “undecided” passer came up on my side.

This was a young woman as I could tell from my driver’s side mirror.  She was driving a silver grey Hyundai.  It took her some time to pass me, and as she pull along side of me I confirmed she was a young lady, blonde and not unattractive, and it appeared as if there were a car seat in the back of the vehicle.  The “Baby on Board” sticker in the back window confirmed.  Just a few miles up the road, the single mom driving the silver grey Hyundai was caught in a little bit of slow moving traffic I would end up passing her back.  Minutes later I could see she was again in the passing lane and about to leap frog me one more time.

Again, she would pull a little further along side of me only to drift back some and hold steady for 15 or 20 seconds.  Then she would again lurch forward and gain some ground.  It was when the young mother was nearly even with me that she swerved into my lane… WTF!?!

I looked over to witness the young lady texting.  She was passing me at over 70 mph and she was texting!  I nearly flipped a lid.  The young mother gained control of her self and was up the road in no time.  Before long I couldn’t see her at all.  I was still fuming 5 miles down the road in disbelief that another human being had the audacity to put my life at risk.

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A short time up the road I need to stop for gas.  There hadn’t been a turn off for fuel in quite some time and I took the first chance I could at a small little Podunk town.  As I pulled my vehicle up to pump 2 at the only gas station in town, low and behold there sat the silver grey Hyundai with the “Baby on Board” parked in front of me at pump 4.  I recognized the young lady as she and her little daughter exited the store.  I could not help but approach.

“Excuse me, Ma’am?”  I smiled as I walked up towards the store’s entrance upon her exit.

She slowed down and put a hand on her daughter’s shoulder, “Yes?”

“Is that your silver grey Hyundai there with the “Baby on Board” sticker in the back?”  She looked at me as if I were about to tell her she left her lights on.

“Yes it is. Did I…” I didn’t have time to listen to her; she needed to listen to me.

I smiled brightly, “I am not exactly sure how serious you take the safety of your child, I take it that her safety is of great importance hence the ‘Baby on Board’ sticker, right?”

The young mother blinked, “Well, yea…”

“I thought so.  Then perhaps I should give you this warning,” My smile became a little wider and I pierced my gaze deep into her eyes, “Should you ever drive pass me at 70 plus miles per hour while texting again, you might hope that you flip your car six or seven times and decapitate both you and your child rather than let me find you…” her lip quivered.  I finished, “just saying.”Image

I walked into the store and grabbed a Coke Zero, all the time watching as the young woman put her child into her car seat, got in her vehicle, and left the premises.  I didn’t notice her look for my license plate number so I think I am not being looked for as a crazy SOB threatening evil vehicle texters like some sort of wanna be super hero vigilante.  That is not my desire.  I just thought she should have something to think about while she was driving… that’s all.

Pappa Needs a New Pair of Shoes… What Do We Do with These Nice Old Ones?

Image What do you do when a relationship has run its course?  We engage in relationships all the time.  With other people as well as material objects.  A portion of being successful is knowing when a relationship is beneficial to you or if it has become somewhat of a liability; or even better, see when a possible liability is brewing.

I have an old vehicle.  It’s a 1995 model with over 220K miles on it.  This vehicle has done me well.  Of course I have had to replace the tires, brakes, battery, alternator, as well as a few other minor odds-n-ins; and sure the A/C, defrost and cigarette lighter don’t work (it actually has two lighters! neither work), but she has been a trustworthy companion.

I have people like this in my life too.  They have served me well and been there through thick and thin.  Like my vehicle, they don’t seem to have much more to offer me in the way of getting to my final destination though.  I can get a new car tomorrow, but what of people?  I need a reliable mode of transportation and I do like to travel in style… I’m still talking about a car, right?  What do I owe that old vehicle?  What do I owe my old friends?

By the way, I have a beautiful vintage sports car that sits in the driveway ready to roll at a moments notice… just saying.

Well Hello… much more to follow.

Had just enuff time to get this thing started.  I hope to utilize this blog as an interactive diary for a very confused man of a very unstable mind.  This time in life is getting more strange by the day as I seem to be loosing grasp with society.  I see way too much cognitive dissonance with way to few willing to call it like it is.  If you stumble across this before I can get another post going… much more to follow.